Before moved out from the old apartment, I promised my mother to give up my dream---to be an illustrator first, then study and learn more hard to be an art designer, gave up all above and went to be a security guard, but I just can't. Each time I tried to give it up and watched the sketch I draw, I knew I would regret the wrong decision. Life of a person is related to other people, nobody could be alive alone absolutely(except Robinson). But...I am used to be lonely, sometimes I am desirous to have an intimate friend and a girlfriend, but I am pretty afraid I will lose them after we get close. My mother married to my father not just for love, because of my grandfather's opinion, simply to say, this is a marriage of convenience. So many years passed, their married life was not bliss, now they are still unhappy. So I decide to make decisions by myself as far as possible, not my parents or other people, even it is the wrong decision. I can lie other people about my dreams, but I just can't lie myself. My future is blurred to see, but I want to follow my heart, move forward, try to care about this world, not just myself.