Thought yesterday, I went to traditional market with my mother, bought something to prepare today's coming. This midday my old brother and his girlfriend come to our place, then all of us go to have a special lunch of Mother's Day, we talk about everything and eat fresh, delicious foods, enjoy a few couple of happy family hours. We do have a great time. Tonight I go to town centre with my mother, I accompany her to eat dinner, walk around the streets near department stores, I am really satisfied about today's trip.

In fact, most time I feel sad and get pain, I doesn't tell anyone about my feeling, one of two reasons is I am afraid my mother worries about me, another one is there is no one I can tell about this. There is no exit for bad emotion, I notice this at midnight and can't sleep. My life is empty and foolish, I can't find something meaningful for me in this world. Sometimes I think death is much better, because I can avoid the bad emotion, avoid the atrabilious mood, but I can't just do it, because I am a Christian, and my soul belong to God, this is not the way a Christian should do. I know one day my parents, old brother, and his girlfriend, will all past away, and my life will be more empty and foolish, I believe blessedness of God, but I wonder if I can catch my dreams. To be an professional illustrator and a better man, I have to study and learn more and more.

Recently I like to listen a song, called “Hero”, the singer is called Chad Kroeger, some of lyrics do express my mood:

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I am so high, I can hear heaven

I am so high, I can hear heaven

Whoa, but heaven

No, heaven don't hear me

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Someone told me

Love would all save us

But, how can that be

Look what love gave us

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“A freak should not walk into crowd, or he will frighten most normal people.”

Don't worry, that freak is me, and I stay calm very well.