I have been a little bit crazy these last days. I though I was in love with Andrew but now I realize I’m not lol. During my weekend trip I was thinking about him and how much I wanted to talk to him. When I came back home and saw him online the magic disappeared. He doesn’t mean that much for me. It’s strange. I’m not eager to meet him now.

In a week he will be here and I wonder: what for? To see my lovely face? Haha I don’t think so. In order to have a love affair?. May be. I don’t know what we will be doing. I will pick him up in the airport. Oh my god. I’m nervous.

My friend Pete says this is a crazy and dangerous plan but I don’t think Andrew is dangerous lol. I hope so. Anyway, If I never write again and you never see me online again it will mean Andrew was dangerous lol.

I also have been confused. We have 2 hours of time difference so when for me its midnight for him is just 10pm. So, it fucks me that I’m giving him my time (my precious time to study or sleep) and then suddenly he says: oh.. I have to go to eat. Looooool.

I couldn’t finish my homework yesterday coz I was talking to him. But I realized that he is not a priority in my life. Oh yes, I love talking to him but he mustn’t put me in the center of his life and neither do I. What are we after all? I guess some kind of friends lol.

So, I made up my mind. I won’t fall in love with him. I won’t put him in the center of my life. Because, after all, he lives in another country 3.5 hours away by plane for me, we speak different languages, and we have a complete different life. He already has what he wants and I just starting to live my own life and I can’t have strings to attach me.

He says that right now I’m everything that he needs. Right now, but later who knows. I’m glad he doesn’t mean that much for me now. I wonder how our weekend together will be. Will we have a good weekend? Our online chemistry will be real in person?. What if I fall in love?

I’m so scared of falling in love. I don’t wanna fall into another silly long distance relationship and he said the same one day: “after this weekend, we could meet in another place, travel together; you can spend a long time in my city, etc”. He let me know he wasn’t into a long distance relationship.

What will happen to me after that weekend? I don’t know. He hasn’t told about his weekend trip to anybody coz it’s crazy. I’m over Andrew and yes, I have forgotten Sib.

Now, I can say I’m still fucked up in my lessons lol. I guess I should worry more about this.