Everything started on Thursday night I slept like 3 hours coz I was busy doing some homework. My team project sucks.. coz I asked a girl to finish it and she did nothing…ohhhhh so on Friday I told her: so what did you do? I told u to improve the project but you did nothing.. Fuck

But on Thursday night I was reading an international Chinese site of news (has version in 6 languages) and I found something amazing: the picture of a boy that I have seen in my faculty. Always I see him  I think: ohh he is so handsome!!! Hehehe but I have never talked to him. So for me was very strange that I found his photo in that site of news. There were like 6 pictures about my school for some news about the lessons (international news) so he was lucky enough to be in the photos.

The point is that now I have a excuse to talk to him right?? If you want I could send you the link and you can see his cute photo hehehehe, my friends said he is cute and handsome. SO now I can tell him: Hey I saw you in a news page!!! Hehehe I don’t know… gimme me ideas….. of what I should do I like him really and now I’ve got a excuse to talk to him. Oh, I have seen him in the parking place also he was a gray seat, you know that Spanish cars??? Ok

But Friday was awful also coz I was with Kary and our teacher didn’t come so she sat in a kind of bench (is not really a bench and people shouldn’t sit there but she did) and as it was too narrow she fall down!!!! Jesus Christ!!!! She fell for about 3 meters!!! I saw her when she was falling and she shouted my name!!! It freaked me out!!! Coz it couldn’t help her and then she was on the floor. She hit her back and head .. a fall of 3 meters …I thought she was dead so I was in a shock. The first thing I thought was: is she dead?  Was it my fault?

A boy jumped to help her and I thought all would be full of blood, but it wasn’t. You can’t understand how I feel… I was so scared. Kary was scared too, she was alive, but she cried. I had to call Silvie to help us coz she is nurse and knows about health, I couldn’t move. Somebody called the ambulance, Kary was ok, alive and could walk. But I really thought she was dead….. She said she thought she was gonna die and that she saw pictures of her life….

All this very shocked me… I had many emotions.. maybe I could fall and die…. Maybe I feel a bit guilty coz I couldn’t help her but friends said that maybe trying to help her I could fall too.  I needed my friends support and my family support… but nobody supported me just Serg and Ashley. I think the others didn’t understand how Kary’s accident impacted me.

On Saturday I went to a barbeque with my friends and I had to come back alone home coz they wanted to stay and I had to go. I was walking alone at night and I started to feel sad and I cried. I took a bus and the whole 1 I was in the bus I cried. When I came home I tried to be ok but couldn’t so mom asked me what happened to me? I said nothing and cried again for an hour I said horrible things like “nobody loves me, nobody cares about me, I wanna die”. I hurt my mother with that words… but I was feeling so sad… I had an explosion inside me…  I still feel a bit sad…. Headache, change of humors…. I must be ok or depression will kill me… I just feel so alone. I guess I expect many things from people and I get sad when I got nothing… I must be ok….