Well,long time not here,which means that I havn’t learned English for long then.But the pressure is killing me,but I have to face it,because it’ll be my reason to get well.This time,I can’t escape any more.

This term is so short,only 16 or 17 weeks.And now,the 9th weekend is moving on.So the midterm,no test,but a lot thesises to write.As you know,it’s not easy to write an exellent philosophical thesis any way.Aesthetisc reading paper,Analisics philosophy thesis,Chinese philosophy’s thesis about the Confusim.However,the teachers pubished them long time ago,but I won’t do it until the last day is coming.So,now the time is coming,but I still is still.Kill me.And the cet-4 is coming soon!!God,this all day I only stay 2 hours for not sleeping.Oh,hard to believe I was that man!

OK.Next Saturday is the sports day.Yeah,if in the past,nothing is matter with me.I was always the mass to shout for the sports man.But unlucky for me,I have decided and signed my name for it.So I think I can pratise anyway,maybe I will win.But have to say,the weather is becoming colder and colder,and I can’t get up so early in the morning,also I am afraid when I am on the ground the wind will kill me.yet,I am waiting for the day coming to let anyone to see how slowly I run.R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~~~~~~~~~

what's wrong ?so hungry but so cold ,I havn't had meal though it's 19:19.So Lazy!

Writing a diary here takes most time of mine everynight,so the movie time,drama time,music time and writing(Chinese) time are going away from me.Luckily,no regrets.Maybe writing an English diary can really help me keeping something I will never write in Chinese——this just wastes my time,I think.To be true,I don't care them for they are so small in my life,and what I care is just something happening in my brain or my spirits.So here,thanks to ICQ.

Today is at baby’s birthday.at baby’s is her qq name.She was my partner in junior school,and we were apart when we went to the high school for she entered the best school of our city,but I went the best of our town.Anyhow,we are in the same university here,San Yet-sen University.

Actually,the students in our town school coming here are rare.O,I am not going to say I was a exellent student,but it is this:I am alone here,no familiar mates,no chance to talk our dialect,and I felt I was abandoned by the world at first.So,it is my pleasure when I knew at baby’s is here too!So,we both always have meal together speak heart to heart and today I bought some small cakes(I am so poor) for her as gifts.

But to be true,a few days ago,I didn't like to meet her,and didn't call her until today.And she didn't come to me either,but I had sad feelings about it. But when I thought this I have lost a real friend I was not so happy anymore.

However,we didn't have no quarrels,no finghting(hehe).The problem came out when we were having a public calss,I told her that I wanted to enjoy my entire university without any press from study and working.She was not happy when she heard it,I knew.Yeah,nobody would like the way I choose to live,besides her!She said,one person in the world cant stop going up and making success.But I always have thought that she understood me!I was very upset to knew it was me who were wrong with her.I　thought she would agree me to live in this way:read and do what I love to,just to improve the spirits but not the small tips of  the world though they may bring to the “success(man is not born to persue the success,but to be a real man,I think)” So,after the night,our relationship came to a cool state.

Now after today’s thing,I think we wont have the same difference any longer,for I knew she was understanding me !!So,there is no doubt that we have spent much time together,after all,we influnce each other,and many times we have same views to many questions of the life.

O,O.I am going to dig a big hole and jump into it next minute!So embarrassed!! I cant sing a song!!The biggest pity of my whole life!Wuwuu.If there is no boy’s day,then nothing would happen.

OO,God!

We girls plan to make a recording for the philosophy boys for The Boy’s Day which happens in 11.11(November 11th)> <.Hahaa,we always say the day is Singles Day.Yeah,it is big joke!!

But,remember!We have to sing a song of S.H.E’s<一起走过的旅程>.To be true,I don't like the 3 big girls’ songs.I mean,I don't like popular music ;I don't like the songs with sounds………The sounds ,just make me crazy,no happiness,no enjoy.But this time,I have to learn to sing.I feel the end of the world is coming.

Nothing can explain it and nothing can change it.

Though, I like pure music,I don't know which music is made by whom and by whom,just listen to them,just enjoy the feelings.

I think the style of my life is just a disaster in one way nowadays.

I learn some Analitic philosophy in the morning,hehe,what is it?It’s something which is the hardest suject in the entire history of humans.In the first time of class,our Dear Dear Mr.huang said and said,at the meantime,when he looked at the seats,he might know that:nobody understood him what he was saying about.Ha,yeah,we know any word in the paper,but when they are put together,what does it mean?I don't know,maybe most people don't know either.It is about opinions of logic,languages,truth of Russell,Frog and somebody I really have no interest in.They make me sleepy in the class or in the library when I read them.OH,god,when I finish just just several pages,my brain is fulled of confusion,and pains.

   Ok,you may think I will  have a break after the hard morning,but it is NO,the source of my desaster.I go to the bookshop to read some literatural books,my favorite.Then what I feel?Tired,but satisfied.

   At night,I go to the library to find some interesting to read,until 10pm.Oh,tired,but no regret spending time on it.

Yeah,I have to change the topic here to discuss why I have to suffer from this disaster.There are many reasons for it,but one I think is original：the time limitness of our life,but the unknown world is so limitless.We want more of the world,this is the nature of the humans.

Hard and painful to accept that we only have 24hours a day and most of us can’t live over 100 years.This is the pain following us as we are born.But lukily or not,not everyone understands in the world,but someone really does,so he tries to find a way to get out of it.Many of them have been succeded in this,and become famous philisophers,writers,artist,or other people to show their opinions of the world to the people who are still moving in the darkness,like me.And what I do is to get close to their work for knowing them well……

This is why I love reading.And I really want to figure out the answer the meaning.Our life is so short………….

These days I am wacthing the American drama “Gossip Girl”.And I have finished the latest (sevens )of the 3rd season.

To be true,I don't like dramas coz dramas mean I have to wait but what I need is just the patience,so I havnt wacthed drama for a long time.

And you may think that I like this drama so much .O,no,It is wrong totally.I don't like any roles of this drama.What I think is that their lives are so messed.But I want to learn English from it and I can get more knowledge about American people’s thoughts and the confused society of Manhattan,the richest place of the world.After all,I can get many from it,and my time is worthy I think.

First,their denifition of love is so different with mine,but I think they don't know what is love at all,maybe except Lily, Hunpherry,and Chuck.Or,meybe I am wrong with them,and maybe they just fall in love with other so quickly and they lose their love at the same speed .

Second,is the result of the first,about the sex.It seems that they can make love with anyone in the world,no matter how young, how old, and male or female,like Nate,almost with all girls of the drama……..Maybe I am a bit out,BUT I really cant get it at all.I think what they want is just to vent the natural desire.

Third,about the money.The opinions of this espect are apart,for also there are poor in this drama.For Blair,Chuck,Serena and so on, all the guys of upper east side ,I think money is nothing for them and they can enjoy what they can think out,just because their parents or their gandparents are rich.But for,V,she has to work as a servicer in a shop to earn her fee for her education.But what do other guys do?They ask teachers to give them all A’s for their subjects and use money in exchange.This phenomenon is happening all around the world.I cant say more but just to accept it.

Fourth,about the honesty.yeah,they also say they don't like to be cheated at and l honest to each other.They do so sometimes,but some positions also put them into embarrassed states.I can know these well.BUT they will say your hurts out to ruin your goodwill in front of public no matter who you are,they will cheat at you even though they know you will know.And what in their brains are fight and never stop fighting,or win,win,no matter what they will pay for it.Anyone in this drama,to be true,can’t be trusted,nobody at all;their judgeing standard  only is their benefit;they can have no friends,no families and no love,but they cant have losing their benefits.

What kind of life?what kind of people?Maybe,same guys are around me and you too,maybe I am one of them.But I know,something in the world else is more worthy persuing.

OK,I have to say,the world is so complicated and someone’s life is more complicated .If not,why the gossip girl is so interested in their scandals?   There is nothing wrong of the world.

After all,they are good actors,very very good actors.

Nothing is serious after all.

Yesterday has been passed .

Something is changing all the time when the yesterday is gone one by one.

But someone is destined to get pain during all his life,not for the poor world,just for his poor heart and his sensitive thought.

Also,someone thinks more than others,also,he feels the pain more than others.

So,the world or,the fate gives him more and more sadness for return.

What is wrong?Nothing.Just be easy for your life and others.Calm down.

Don’t think so much about a little thing.O,but I am so confused that what I have read really does nothing to my life present??

Heihei,what I want to do is to change them into words and then into food.

Well,what I want now is to cry all the bicthes out and start a new start.Oh,god,just think about that your family members don't understand you and just put so much press on you,what should you do next?I am going to die,really.

My sister hurt me tonight.I couldn't be easy about what she said,I mean I could not ignore her like others.Well,they are really worried about my future for they have thought I didn't care about my future,our parents!Well,what should I do now?I know a student is not a excuse for this.Though I think about them or my future what can I do now??Yeah,I am making something to prove that I am a worthy person.

But they don't think what I do is right!!What have they asked me to care about?

Yeah,ok,I will tell.What in their minds  are these :to look nice,to care more the style you behave,to dress well and so on.They all think this will bring one’s good luck,or when your parents see you,they will feel happy(I will feel helpless if I have this kind of parents).I never trust this,and I think these thoughts really are against my rules to be a real person.Ok,what they want is that I cant be regarded as a girl from a poor family??Just to be relegant person?Yeah,I have dreamed it for years.But it’s not the time now!!

Well,here,I am not going to ruin my sisters’IQ,for they really know what I am!I can’t care about my way to live,I accept I am not a fashion girl after all,yeah,a word,nobody will like me if he meets me the first time. OK,I　know they R nervous about my marrige or my future husband.Here,what I have to say is this my oldest sister had many difficulties to get married and my parents …….ok,I don't want to say more about this.

IN a way,I DO NOT understand,what is wrong with the world?what is wrong with me?what is wrong with my family??Only money can work out these problems??I think if our family is not so poor,I think everything is ok about this.Becouse if so,maybe I will have money and time to get my dress.But what is the meaning of this??We are not rich now anyway!Ok,I agree,humans’ hearts will be changed if they are in a poor situation for so long!!

OH,god,it does no work at all though I have spoken out everything here coz it doesn’t make any differenc to anything,even to my thoughts or my little moods!

What I want tomrrow is I will get a good plan to my life.My Plan,I mean I am not going to change,but I will try to work something out to my family and want to tell them”don't worry about me,I can control my life so well,just be easy and have a nice mood to your lives”;and want to prove that my way to live which I chose is worthy to go!!

MORE,MY WAY IS NOT JUGED BY OTHERS ANYHOW!Ｉ HAVE ENOUGH BILITY TO CONTROL.WAHT YOU WANT TO DO IS JUST TO SAY THIS:”HEY,GIRL,COME ON,I DO BELIEVE IN YOU!”

Wait for me,I will give you some good news in a not long time.

ok,long time not here.I really dont know what to say about now.Something terrible is going on,though some has been passed.

Oh,god,what is wrong with the world?Communicate is so difficult for me!

We discussed 2 hours yesterday,but today,we also discussed about 2 hours.What is it??Just an English Presentation!!!OH,god,what we didn't do at that time was we didn't take up the arms to fight!!

May I have to accept others' opinions?Sure,you have to,though how deep you think you are right,you have no skills to let others to agree to you,what you can do next is to agree others.And you have to accept you are not good enough to agree with you without any questions.

God!!

Long way have to go!

    These days,I am trying to write some poems and have mailed some to my poetry teacher Mr Chen.But no answers till now,even though I did feel good to my maiden poems.hehehe...But my teacher didn't ,yeah?The problem is ,I don't know what the truth about my poems,so,though the teacher gives me the bad commands ,I think I would choose to negelect him,for after all,my poems agglomerate my thoughts and emotions no mattter he didn't award it,anyhow,someone would do.

     Poetry language is the most true word also the hardest one to understand in the world,coz it is the one which stands the truth.However,the truth,is so indeed exist,but it just is being there.Shall we know it?Nobody knows,though the God.We all live in phenomenen on the beneath,but can not realize the essence after the appearances of the world.

     More,our language,which does us a favor to think , communicate and express,also leads us to the adverse station about knowing the truth.It has so many limits coz it can't express our real thoughts and our true feelings or emotions which lie in our inside body so strongly,but the language just stands by side,and does nothing to it.

    But the poetry language is so different for it does not to speak out what the normal logics but the awearness of the truth.Its words and sentence can be a complete one but also the confused ones.............

   no time.

  Next morning have to get up early to swim.

  So stop here.

The world is never quiet for a momment.It speaks all the time,and it has so many spoksmen,for instance,Amarica,China,economics,science and so on.These days,it has some others for itself.

The UK media commented the world university rankings.The mainland's first university Tsinghua University only ranked the 49th,and Harvard is the first one,no doubt for it;Hongkong university is the 24th!I don't trust this ranking so much--not because this report is real or not,becaus the media just gave out the rankings but no reasons at all,so,we all don't know how they got this result.So,it doesn't make a difference in a way.The UK media belongs to UK anyhow.

However,I do feel helpless anyway for the university education in China all the time since I am a sysu university student--which is ranked in the 8th in Chinese universities.I have no idea why this happens,but the true is that China,has no standpoint of softpower in the world.Though,it should have!

100 years ago,the changes happened,till now.The position that China is after western countries never changed!SHE  is  LEARNING things FROM western as  a  good good student;SHE is  borrowing everything besids the ways to think,to live,to eat,to wear,even to love.She has forgetten she has so much better things than others like her culture,her philosophy,her heart,everything she owned yesterday.Her children can't see what their mother owned,so they chose to forget it.

It is a big big pity for the whole world for the western countries would never know what China is,not just a china--She is the old of the history,she comes from the history,but she is exsit even now.

What is she?Please don't use your eyes which are YOURS to look at her.Who knows her better?Her dear childern,not he from Africa,not you from America,even not you from WESTREN!It's our duty to reknow our mother,It's the time.

Please,say,standing by China is not a dream any more.It's time for whole world to know and enjoy what she owns.She will help the world to come out from the spirit crisis making in the modern times.

Write to you.

Do you know how I miss you during the past 4 days working in a sea food restaurant?

I was tired.I was hungry.I felt helpless.But I did feel the hope coz I knew that all of this would be an end!

I dreamed that you drived your car there and took me away without any word.I just wanted a saver.If this had happened I would change my attitude to you that I am strong and I don't need any help!How foolish I was to let you know I am an independent girl and I can do everything I can without any help!

Do you know,to be a girl like this is a very very difficult thing for she always feels lonely and hopeless?

Do you know I have to work for 12 hours a day and ran and ran all day long?Take me away,take me away.I spoke in my heart so loudly,why you couldn't hear me?You just didn't listen to my heart.You never know I will never ask you for help but I have desireed to it for a long time.I hope you know,I need you.But my intellect tells me not do it in my whole life.I want to be free frome others besides you and independent but not so lonly.I am not afraid of lone,but I have been tired with it!

Do you know I had to stand the guests and others disdains?How could I bear it?You know,I am a girl full of dinity.But you never turned up to take me away.You were  far away from me at that time,but now the same.

That I put my hope on you is just a mistake.I am independent and I don't need any thing t basing on to live in the world.

God knows THAT.

But I do miss you!After all,it has been passed.

Who are you?Where are you?My saver.When will you turn up in the front of me and take me away?

Well,for my motherland,China.

      Tomorrow,is her 60-year-old birthday.60 birthday is the most important day for one man  traditionally in my country but I don't know what the reason is.It's said that Empress Dowager Cixi fighted with Li Hongzhang for her 60th birthday because at that time The Qing was in danger of the invasion from western countries ,but they didn't have enough money to get ready for the miltary.What Cixi said at that time is :an ordinary folk grandma also can have a Luxury birthday party,I am the one of the country and I can't lose the dinity and I want to tell that The Qing is alive.What a foolish woman.If there was no her in our history,what would happen to this country?hahah,who knows?Maybe no differet result.

     So,you have known the importance of the 60th birthday.

We put this thought to the motherland.60th birthday,every one should be proud of it.

      I won't write some historical histories here .

      A few years ago,a scholar called Huntingtun wrote a book called <The Clash of Civilizations> and then "China Threat Theory"blew with the wind in the whole world.After all,the fact is :China,as a developing country has done well with the developments on economic , miltary,also,the science research .Nobody can reject this fact which has been made by the whole hardworking and wise Chinese people.

      But,another scholar a professor of Harvard ,Tu Wei-Ming had another theory for the crash of the cultures.It is dialogues,dialogus making between western and eastern country cultures.It's a good way to devolve this global problem.So,the clash  won't cause the war and the win or lose,which is really possible if eveyone of the whole world has the hope for the peace.I think,it's very very  difficult for some countries which want to be the strongest one and there are many many crash between different countries and peoples.After all,dialogues may do better  work than the fire,because it can make we know each other well .

      Here,let me tell you why the China Threat Theory is not impossible.

      First,from the tratitional cultures.When some one knows the culture well,he won't raise this theory.The main thought fluencing China men is Confucianism and Taoism,both are just two theory for people to live well with others and the nature and enjoy our lives.Confucia had many sentence to tell what we should do to communicate with others,for instance:己所不欲，勿施于人(This sounds like the motto:don't put your happiness on others' painess);己欲立而立人，己欲达而达人（this means if you want to develop yourself well,first to develop others).Maybe some foreigners will not understant the meaning at all.Well,it's the core that to live harmoniusly with them who are around you.Another way,Laocia and Zhuang Chou who I love so much are very different.Here is Zhuang Chou.He didn't care about the life and the death at all.He just looked himself as one thing of the nature.Not like other thoughts to fight with the nature.But he belonged to it.He wanted to coexist with others too ,and more didn't care about the physical world but the spirit world so much.But,they all wanted to be the one of the world,not the one like the god,but the one who was the highest on morality.

     Tagore had said:the Chinese are born to enjoy the interests of life,their ways of thinking are so different from other countries.Yeah,so well he said.Chinese have no ambitions to control the world in any fields.That why she has to develop herself  is just to make her people not to suffer from hunger and coldness ,not to be bullyed by others any more,and the pressure from other countries.

     Second,the policis our leaders having making are so harmonious .Chou En-lai put forward the theory "Seek common ground"has become one of the principle of dealing with the foreign affairs between countries.The theory also is one of the old thought of Confucianism.(君子和而不同，小人同而不和:it means great men are harmonious though they are in different positions,but the curses are opposite )

........

In a word,China men has no ambitions to win other peoples ,other countries.It's very stupid to think our thoughts in their ways.

We are kind after all.

Russell said:China has no philosophy at all.He was wrong.

I am very proud of our philosophy.It is connected to our lives and behaviors so closed.I am proud of the ways of our people think:they are sensitive to the essence of the lives!

Tomorrow is National Day.And the Mid-Autumn Festival is Oct 3rd,so we have a not short holiday——8days.It's a big news ,isn't it？I have planned it a week ago.One of my cousins said the restaurant which place she is working in needed some temporaries and if  I wanted I could be one of them.But just a momment ago,she gave me a phonecall and said,it didn't need more workers anymore!!

Well,tomorrow is the National D!But now I have no other plans at all.

What can I do ?Travelling?Reading all 8 days?Swimming?No.Planning to travel is too late now.I just want to go outside of the school to have some different experiences which always can drive me to deep thoughts of the life and the people who are working.

Ai,so annoyed.Hate to be controled by others.No rights to decide what can I do and having decided,but because of others,I have to stop!This will make me to think I am not freedom at all.And now,what can I do during my hodiday?

Satre had a famous sentence:others,is hells.Right! 

But after all,I can decide what the moods I own.

Tomorrow,GET UP AT 6:00:to swim.

                 8:00 :to read.

                 NOON:GO OUT WITH FRIENDS.

Well,long time not here.Today,something happens.

The English mark of the last term has beaten me seccussfully.I do not work for the scholarships and I can say that "I don't care at all"without any sadnss.But after all,I am a student and my work is to do the schoolwork well.

Though I am trying my best to be free from the damn scores,I can't give up anything about the school .I think everyone knows the reasons.It gives the guarantee of my freedom of future for it is the base for me to make enough money to buy the freedom from the damn society and the snobish men.My nature has turned out that I can't make others to control my life ,my behavior,my moods,my choice.No body can do it to me.But what can I do to prevent them?I am nothing and I have no power to instigate others to do things for me.I do feel ashamed when I ask others to do something but I wonder how they do this for me ?So ,I 'm gonna to save my freedom but what I have got after I thought of it for a long time is the money .

This makes me very sad.Work for the money?Or work for the freedom by paining the freedom nowadays?

I visit Bee Bee's blog eveyday when I login this icq blogs page.She almost wrote that she is a lazy girl in each diary.Well,she knows it clearly,yeah?But she never did something to improve it,yeah?Yes,so  many people,just like to stay in the same conditions which have lasted for a long time since he could remember things.People don't like to change at all,but also can't kick off the feelings of bore and dissatisfitions.There is a sound in their mind shouting:come out!come out!Come out from the rules.But,the fear of changes is full of his heart;the laziness is pulling his leg.

Actully,what I said just now is me.I AM that kind of people.Always like to delay the things ,always find excuses for the things I must have done but I havn't,always feel sorry for myself or for others but do nothing......

I am afraid.Be Afraid to speak out my heart.

I am lazy.Be Lazy to improve.

I opened this blog in which I planned to write English diary to improve my English 3 weeks ago.What have I done?Maybe you would say like this：well,you have done well.This is the 16th.No,just a kidding.I didn't look for the dictionary when I met some questions but just left it ;I didn't check and reedict it before  I post it.I did something,but I didn't care what I did.How can I improve my English for the CET-4?

I AM lazy.Be Lazy to think deep in my mind.What I have written are some bitches,I think.Nothing to talk,but just wanted to write something.Yes,I am in that way.But actully,I wanna write down my mind and the thoughts after watching so many beautiful and deep Oscar movies.They have guided me to think more about the world,the life,the society,the humans and humans.But I am so lazy and do nothing.The excuse is this:my thought did not have any meanings,my English stoped me doing so,my time was limited.

Changes will come soon.

Tomorrow,I will not let my mind and my fingers be free and lazy more.I will have them to do what they should do.

No fear and,no lazyness.

I remembered Erick said this when we were in Guizhou province.He said,"we spend money on the trouble."At that time,I just laughed and said nothing,'cause we really had fun on the travel,though we couldn't fit the mountain roads and  were very very tired.But I thought it all worthed.

But because of today,I agreed with Erick so much now.

Maybe it was not a good day to visit friends.It was very very hot , shining all the time ,and the sun never felt tired without any break ,and never felt bored without chatting with the clouds! Just let me pass the long long trip on the crowded and costly buses. Worse,the Zhuhai college of Jilin university faces the sea and the wind from it is hot;the back of the college is moutains,of course no winds come from them.

Here you may say the school should plant more trees to improve the environment and the weather.Yeah,I can say the school have put much on the trees but what have they done?They planted many many decidous trees whose leaves have been flowed with the wind though it is summer now.So no much shadows on the both sides of the roads.

Well,without the weather,we should have a good time today.I met a few classmates in the college,one of which is very humorous .What he said always made us lol and lol.

What I wanna say more is the food of the college.Its library hasn't been finished yet and only on the second floor there is about hundreds books in it.But its dinning hall is the biggest in Asia!Haha,yes,its restaurants are very comfortable and good look,more, the food is yummy.But it does not please me at all:what do the students do in the colleges?No reading,just eating?Funny！

This thing happened in yesterday morning.

At that time,about 9am,I was riding to the library with my little bike.Even a bit early,but it had been shining heavily so I hold the umbrella with my right hand,leaving my left hand to handle the handlebar of the bike.Yeah,I do this almost everyday,and nothing happened except yesterday.

Yeah,I am alway proud to tell others I could ride a bike before I went to school.

But unluckily,the basket in the front of the bike which I had the lock in has been broken .The lock was falling out! Without any hesitation,my left hand released the handlebar to the lock!

Then what happened?I screamed and fell from the bike before I felt regret for it.Not hurt but embarrasssed!There were so many students passing me at that time,and worse,they all were  boys! God knows what I was thinking at that time!Erick and my huge debt.

So shy  to tell  it to friends,hard to believe this thing happened to me really.hehe.God bless me after all for I didnt dress a skirt yesterday.

Well,another thing,I have told you that we four girls and a boy together sold the old English books to the new students right?I am the one who manage money like a small accountant .Yes,till today,we have earned about 2800yuan,and maybe tomorrow it will be the end of the business.Totally,we will earn 3000yuan,a big success, beyonds our budget.Tomorrow we will have a victory banquet for it.

The 13th?Not a lucky number in western world.But I notice that each book in our school library has a book seal in page 13.Another funny thing, when I am reading a philosophical book,if I have lost my patience and wanna know I much I have read,it always is page 13.

This term we have another course Chinese philosophy.We just have 4 classes till now.But we Chinese have in touch with it as a child.There's no doubt for it.Many kids have the orders from their parents to recite many classics of Confucius,Mencius and so on.But a pity for me,I havnt read them seriously until I am a university student now.Maybe I would be more smart to think of the meaning of the life and the way.Just kidding.hehe.

Today I spent my whole day in the library to read some works of Taoism.It's a bit hard for me to understand it completely for it is written in ancient writings which  we havnt used  for a long time.I like Zhuang's thoughts very much.He didnt care much about the desire of the human nature,and the power,the possesions,such non-corporeal belongings.But he put all his attention to the spirit world,which can help them to feel free.His work is full of wonderful imagines that he made a lot of unreal things to express his views of the real world , his words and phrases are rich,beautiful,magnificent,singular.Hard to describe.

He had a famous story about the butterfly and himself.One night,he dreamed of becoming a butterfly.It's natural ,isnt it?But to Zhuang,he thought it was that the butterfly had dreamed of becoming him.There was no difference between himself and the butterfly.He thought he was the friend of death and the life,and he was always going with them.

I may say more about Chinese philosophy and Chinese ancient thinkers.

I feel sorry to my poor English and my poor knowledge about Chinese philosophy.

The first time to touch  the philosophical analysis,a little hard to follow the teacher.But no reasons for me to down.It is just a start.ok,pass it.

When having a break,a girl came in,sitting next to me.

“Hello,what’s your major?”I said to her.

“Philosophy.”she said.

“Grade 09?”I asked.

“Yeah.”she answered.

“But I havn’t seen you.I have gone to welcome the new.”

“I am different.I am just an auditor.”

“Sorry.I do not quite understand.You said your major is philosophy,but you are just a auditor.What does it mean?”

“I will not get a academic degree when I finish the course,not like you all.”

“Why?Then are you a sysu student?”

“Maybe.I have no qualification to have the classes.I am just a auditor.”

“Where are you living in?Do you get a ID card of the school?”

“No.We grade 09 will get the ID cards together next week,won’t we?And I rent a house with other people in Jishan (鸡山，a place near my school).”

“Not in the dorm?Do you work?”

“No.”

“Oh,hard to believe it, a university life can be this kind.It means you have given up your degree?How can you do this?hard to believe it,really.”

“I study philosophy to write.I feel the world is empty.I wanna find the spiritual support.I think philosophy can help me to go through the edge of the despair.”

I have no words in my mind at that moment.

We are the same kind of beings in the world,and we face the same spiritual dilemma what is how to live in the world and what is the meaning of the life.There is no answers but we have to find it using our whole life.

Can philosophy work?

I hope some can help.

For my dreams.

What's my dream?So many dreams as a child,but forget them one by one.So many dreams,but  not smart enough to operate them.Run for them,but lose everything at last.

One life is so short,and its knowledge is so limited.It cant do everything in the world as what it wants.This is a truth.I know it deep in my mind.But the desire pushes me to the contrary position.

OK.Just leave it alone.

To be a poet is one of my dreams but it needs rich emotions and beautiful words and phrases and special experients.These just really mean a joke for me.I feel nothing of this world and just want to go away from the world coz it makes me hard to breathe including the people,the society,the customs.It's my fault ......

Just stop here.Scarlette said in the movie:Tomrrow is another day.If I work hard,nothing is impossible.The Godfather said so.Neo saves the world at last,yeah?Nothing is impossible.

The people always say this too: the opportunity is to leave to those who are prepared.Yeah,just let me do everything for my dreams.

Come on,little girl,just dream it and just run after it.God bless you.

I read a book today named:The power of the thinking by Richard W.Paul and Linda Elder.It is about the criticle thinking which means to doubt the way you or all people think normally and the reasoning of your thought is true or not.To be true,I learned a lot from it.It is not inferior than other philosophy books.

But what I want to talk about here is a new world I thought when reading ,it is sick thoughts.I want to work out the reason why different people have different emotionswhen they are in the same position,and some will  feel happy soon but the other not.And I am those  who  really dont feel good everyday for their lives.I think I have found the answer,the word sick thoughts.We are traped in the trap what our thoughts make when we are thinking.To break the trap may be our way to help us to live a  happy life.

Just change our mind ,just stand in other shoes to think.

Today a 师兄 sent me a picture and there was a phrase on it:to be an exellent sysu  student.Yeah,it will bring me there.