Went to a party the other night and decided that this weeks personal image would be goth. Probably because I was going out to a fancy dress party where the theme was goth. Everything was going fine till the power cut out and everyone kept bumping into everyone else because all the goths were now wearing the same colored clothing as the lighting conditions. Ever had to go home and explain to your grandparents why you are wearing a nappy? I have. They understood perfectly what I was talking about and proceeded to pull down their pants and show me their nappies. Me and my elder's are very close. Probably too close as we all share a bed like the people in charlie and the chocolate factory. The other night I tried to iron my grandma. kinky

My teacher asked me the other day what the word Phallus means. I thought it meant to fail like a male hooker in a lesbian bar but apparently it's another word for Big Mac. I ordered a Phallus the other day and the girl looked at me and said (strangely in my friend Bob's voice) I've got one right here baby. Nice girl. Hey did you here that my friend just got a job at McDonalds. The nicest underpaid transsexual i've ever met.

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I'm a rapper from way back, so it was no surprise to me when I was arrested yesterday solely on the fact that I was wearing a large toilet seat on a chain around my neck. Bling is in. That was until the police took me back to the barracks where the local "class" clown put the seat on my head then took a dump. Have you ever gone home only to realize that you have to explain to your significant other why you have human poo in your hair. Then wondered why they wouldn't put out? I have, which is why I am forming a protest against all women who confuse me with lines like "hey stop that?" and "dammit don't touch me there I'm your sister"

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Ever had one of those moments when all of a sudden you realise you've got leprosy. I realised when I was driving and all of a sudden could'nt take my foot off the pedal, I couldn't put my leg on my foot either. After I crashed into a bus I realised it was full of beautiful women who thought I was a beautiful man. They promised to take me away on holidays and to rub tanning lotion on me and for me to look after thier cats whilst they had wild passionate lesbian sex with each other, I was thrilled. Then they noticed my foot was missing. It's them running away screaming that is the reason as to why I have such a low self esteem. Wanna hook up?

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