ICQ is too out of date now, so disappointing

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what is the criterion which defines a patient to be institutionalised.

"Well" said the Director "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him/her to empty the bathtub".

OK, here's your test:

1. Would you use the teaspoon?
2. Would you use the teacup?
3. Would you use the bucket?

"Oh, I understand" said the visitor "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or teacup".

"No" said the Director, "a normal person would pull the plug! Do you want a room with or without a view?"

A young husband and wife were sunning on a nude beach when a wasp buzzed into the woman's vagina.

The husband covered her with a coat, pulled on his shorts, carried her to the car and made a dash to the hospital.

After examining her, the doctor explained that the wasp was too far in to be reached with forceps.

He suggested the husband try to entice it out by putting honey on his penis, penetrating her and withdrawing as soon as he felt the wasp.

The man agreed to try, but because he was so nervous, he couldn't rise to the occasion. "if neither of you objects," the doctor said, "I could give it a try."

Under the circumstances, both agreed. The doctor quickly undressed, slathered on some honey and mounted the woman.

The husband watched with increasing alarm as the doctor's thrust continued for several long minutes. "Hey, What the hell is happening?"

"Change of plans," The physician panted. " I'm going to drown the little bastard!."

I love my family, my quiet parents, my lovely daughter, my diligent wife, we understand each other even without expressing anything since we have been together for so long, I feel calm and relaxed when I am with them at home, but I have always been feeling  that there is something insufficient, sort of boring, seems short of some kind of love or some kind of passion, do I really need to find a new love to enrich the sort of my empty life?  is it acceptable to have a lover out of marriage? I am confused. who can help me out???

RED CROSS SOCIETY OF CHINA

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In front of the person you love, your heart beats faster, but in front of the person you like, you get happy.

In front of the person you love, winter seems like spring, but in front of the person you like, winter is just beautiful winter.

If you look into the eyes of the one you love, you blush, but if you look into the eyes of the person you like, you smile.

If front of the person you love, you can’t say everything on your mind, but in front of the person you like, you can.

In front of the person you love, you tend to get shy, but in front of the person you like, you can show your own self.

You can’t look straight into the eyes of the one you love, but you can always smile into the eyes of the one you like.

When the one you love is crying, you cry with him, but when the one you like is crying, you end up comforting.

The feeling of love starts from the eye, and the feeling of like starts from the ears.

So if you stop liking a person you used to like, all you need to do is to cover your ears. But if you try to close your eyes, love turns into a teardrop and remains in your heart forever after.

If I had my life to live over again, I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television-and more while watching life.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding patter if I were not there for the day.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical,would not show soil or was guaranteed to last a life time.

There would have been more I love yous ... more I'm sorrys...but mostly, given another shots at life, I would seize every minute... look at it and really see it...live it...and never give it back.

       Deep in the night, could not fall asleep, are u wondering if it is something exotic to run naked? try it yourself.

      Take off clothes, cold, shrank, run instead of walk, embrace the nature, release yourself, stretch out, being a naturalist once some time or in your life time makes u to exceed yourself.

    1) I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.
　　我爱你，不是因为你是一个怎样的人，而是因为我喜欢与你在一起时的感觉。

2) No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won''t make you cry.
　　没有人值得你流泪，值得让你这么做的人不会让你哭泣。

3) The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can''t have them.
　　失去某人，最糟糕的莫过于，他近在身旁，却犹如远在天边。
　　
4) Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
　　纵然伤心，也不要愁眉不展，因为你不知是谁会爱上你的笑容。
　　
5) To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
　　对于世界而言，你是一个人；但是对于某个人，你是他的整个世界。
　　
6) Don''t waste your time on a man/woman, who isn''t willing to waste their time on you.
　　不要为那些不愿在你身上花费时间的人而浪费你的时间。
　　
7) Just because someone doesn''t love you the way you want them to, doesn''t mean they don''t love you with all they have.
　　爱你的人如果没有按你所希望的方式来爱你，那并不代表他们没有全心全意地爱你。
　　
8) Don''t try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.
　　不要着急，最好的总会在最不经意的时候出现。
　　
9) Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
　　在遇到梦中人之前，上天也许会安排我们先遇到别的人；在我们终于遇见心仪的人时，便应当心存感激。
　　
10) Don''t cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
　　不要因为结束而哭泣，微笑吧，为你的曾经拥有。      

why no people would like talk to me, even no single comments or greeting after reading my blog,  I just wanna talk and make some friends, who can tell me why, that is bullshit.

Understanding Women If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman 吻她吧，不够君子

　　If you don't, you are not a man 不吻吧，不象汉子

　　If you praise her, she thinks you are lying 夸她吧，说你欺骗

　　If you don't, you are good for nothing 不夸吧，说你笨蛋

　　If you agree to all her likes, she is abusing 顺她吧，说你气管炎

　　If you don't, you are not understanding 不顺吧，不善解人

　　If you make romance, you are an 'experienced man' 太浪漫，疑你老练

　　If you don't you are half a man 太规矩，魅力不足

　　If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring 常看她，招她厌烦

　　If you don't, she accuses you of double crossing 少去点，怨你猎艳

　　If you are well dressed, she says you are a ******* 穿得好，说你花心

　　If you don't, you are a dull boy 邋遢些，缺个心眼

　　If you are jealous, she says it's bad 吃醋吧，你太狭隘

　　If you don't, she thinks you do not love her 大度点，说你不爱

　　If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her 求欢吧，不够尊重

　　If you don't, she thinks you do not like her 安分吧，不够爱宠

　　If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait 你晚了，她等得烦

　　If she is late, she says that's a girl's way 它晚了，女孩特权

　　If you visit another, she accuses you of being a heel 你访友，是你堕落

　　If she is visited by another, 'oh it's natural, we are girls' 她聚会，天性其乐

　　If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold 少亲她，你太冷淡

　　If you kiss her too many, she yells that you are taking advantage 老亲她，便宜你占

　　If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics 过街不管，道德有缺憾

　　If you do, she thinks it's just one of the man's tactics 领着她走，男人耍手段

　　If you stare at other, she accuses you of flirting 你看别人，是挑逗风情

　　If she is stared by others, she says that they are just admiring 别人看她， 是仰慕佳绝

　　If you talk, she wants you to listen 你要说话，它让你听

　　If you listen, she wants you to talk 洗耳恭听，她逼你开言

　　Oh God! you created those creature called "WOMAN' 上帝啊！为何拆我骨头造女人？

　　So simple, yet so complex 简简繁繁

　　So weak, yet so powerful 弱弱强强

　　So confusing, yet so desirable 我晕头转向，我魂牵梦扰

　　"O LORD, tell me what to do. AMEN" 上帝啊！求你告我怎么办？

         Man's true and chaste love only comes once, when the love of that time comes, he could  be reckless, when that love dies, it would never come bace again any more, because that love was too deep however the pain was also too deep. therefore after that time, man's love becomes so numb. Man could possibly fall in love with aother girl in the future, but that love actually is no longer chaste and pure, it contains desire, sympathy, pity......

         Woman's heart is made of water, however most poisonous and cruel things can also be made by woman, therefore woman is the one who is injured the most, woman is also the one who hurts people the deepest. woman's love may have many times, but man's love actually only once forever, when a man runs into the girl he loves the most,  and has given her all his love, but how many can understand and treasure it. 

        Man has therefore cried, has burst into tears, sadly to tears extremely, man slowly starts to bury the only love of his into the certain deepest abyss of his heart .

        But when it is quiet in the deep night, he would jump into that abyss crazily to try to seek for the trace of that love, even if the trace is faint and obscure , but the result is nothing as usual, only leave himself alone , shrinking at the dark corner, smoking the lonely cigarette, shedding sad tears alone. when woman was complaining a man's inconstancy, have they thought that a man's most precious thing is also ruined by them relentlessly. have you cherished that when a man was saying shyly "I love you"?

       When a man bursts into tears for you, have you helped him to wipe? When a man has begged you not leaving, have you turned back your head? it is always said that men are inconstant and disloyal, but how can a woman know that man's inconstancy is because infatuation, loving to extreme gets infatuated, infatuating to extrem gets hurt,  hurt  to  extreme dies.  after the ash of this love flies away and the smoke of this love extinguishes,the man's heart to loved dies, the man could not give out trus love any more to woman sincerity, does not have the enthusiasm, does not have the fervor, no longer believe that true love, and always cynical on love, some thingyou can only have once for a lifetime.after a man  has loved one wholeheartedly,  those should be paid has already paid, and diligently has grasped with heart and soul, once has attempted to give all to her, once even has attempted to die for her, but repaid is actually aloof and indifferent , therefore has waitted lonely again and again, the painstaking efforts finished drop by drop , finally the painstaking efforts have nothing left, dejected and cold hearted, when love lost the belief, when the sentiment lost the loyal harbor, as for a man, what is love seemingly does not matter any more!  man's heart has been cold already, difficulty to get hot again, because after having loved one time, he's already lost ability to love again, if it is you , can feel it and treasure it.  

      Marry to a rich man, you can enjoy nice food  , state of art vehicle,dressed in expensive clothes and bejewelled , luxurious villa, stay in the fragrant air , this kind of day should be very good? But, the man makes money requires the time and the energy, a rich man is either a merchant who haggles over every penny, or is a powerful official who is busy with social things. In merchant's brain fills the benefit, every day plans invests and benefits, lacks carefulness and thoughtfulness and tenderness . Many year ago that some famous philosopher had already completely understood this kind of man's essential - - more attention on interests than  love.

      As for a powerful official man, his brain fills the connections of all kinds of relations, every day he is weighing whom is supposed to get near, and whom is supposed to get far away from, lacks the tender feelings. A rich man often does not have enough time to accompany  the woman. Marriying to this kind of man is equal to marrying to the television, to the beauty shop, must endure the spiritual void for a long time, has only a superficial magnificence, who knows the innermost feelings of bitterness and sorrow?         

     Marrying to a handsome guy, obviously is to end yourself,  Even if the handsome guy has only you in his mind to love, but how can he withstand the love offered by other women  in spite of anything. the more handsome  the guy is the more and quicker affairs come, that is so quick that you even cannot finish them all the time, just like a plant will burgeon in the spring like always,   so your marriage will be like a farce of one enters onto the stage after the other finishes her show.   

     Marrying to a man who has enough leisure time, every day you can be accompanied, he doesn't have so much thing to do, his memory is good, your birthday, your wedding anniversary , even your mother's birthday, he can remember clearly. He goes home on time every day, also makes a good cooking, is willing to accompany you to go shopping, and also good at raising children. Your life is surrounded by him every day, should not have regrets any more? No, this kind of man's ability is often limited, does not have much money, you must go through the hardness and fight for life with him together,and then can obtain a sufficient  life. Seeing other woman lives in clover , their facial features have been still beautiful at the age of 40s, ten figure are slender and smooth, but your skin has already been gently rough and the white pretty hands distorted at a younger age, then you would feel not even and fair and don't want to resign to your life, how come the others can be married to “the diamond man”, but yourself  a junk?

     Marrying to a man who is good at talking sweetly and nicely, your mood especially will be happy, this kind of man is intelligent and careful, be good at discovering woman's beauty. You have changed a hairstyle,  clothes, even a new brand of lipstick, he can discover promptly, and praises immediately. He will praise your transparent earlobe unconventionally, will praise your perfect sexy round ankle, you  will be infatuated with the feeling of being appreciated by the other , because some beauty you could not even discover. But, you should be clear minded, this kind of man is also good at discovering other women's beauty besides you. His sweet words and praises will be said to many women, you did not even know how many are before you to listen to those sweet words and praises. This kind of man is very dangerous,  and could result in a few affairs outside if not careful, you would feel  the innermost pain and shame if sharing with others in terms of love.

      Marrying to a simple and clumsy man, you may feel relieved freely, he is loyal and devoted to you,  he would absolutely not look askance those beautiful women who passes his side. But, this kind of man often is too much slow, he even couldn't find that you have traded pair of new style shoes for one week, You ask him which color of nail polish is better, pink or lilac?  his usual look could be vacant and confused. Marrying to this kind of man that is short of sentiment, you will fell that your feminine beauty is not existing.

      Which kind of man you marry to  is quite good ? so you would not scold that you are  blind? woman must certainly marry cleverly, if not, even if escapes by luck from the besieged circumstance of family , but would be scared and stay clear form it then -, only if you are Nike.

      Marrying to the talented person, how could you say? first divide the talented person into two kinds: outstanding and unsuccessful with unrecognized talent. The former one's marriage is charming and attractive and always creates a stir, but the result not really wonderful. the combination of talented men and beautiful women is too good to be true, and couldn't go better anymore, so could only break off and develop to the other side for sure in the future.  Better not marry those unsuccessful talented people, otherwise it is just like to accompany him to condemn the Heaven together for not having eyes, the villain for blocking the road, for his own bad luck. Unsuccessful talented people always has a resentment, longer and deeper resentment could result in gloom. Do not ask me to look for some real examples, because they have been buried by the brutal and real life.

      Marrying to some professional people is seemingly good, for instance attorney  and doctor, after marriage everything of yours will be escorted. This kind of person has certain education quality and background, generally  would be very reasonable, But they are usually very busy,sometimes make a house call in the midnight, not available and open on  vacations , moreover is not possibly romantic, has a kind of rigorous occupational disease,  and get you stranded in the marriage to howl alone.

      marrying to a teacher, they are very difficult to get an opportunity of promotion, do not so much to give you some surprise. their working method is to crawl from the lower grade to the higher grade, then fall down the straight line, and then starts again the same thing, they always enjoy this greatly. Their merit will be that every year they will have three months to be possible to be the house-husband, and to be the tutor for the children for free.

     You may perhaps say that  you will not regret to marry a man who is rich and also has enough  leisure time, and attractive and sentiment and very loyal. that is it, but, in the real world there is no such perfect man. Even if there is, you cannot be the right match, because you are not perfect. Therefore, you will regret no matter whom you will marry to, you can only defend and stick to a mediocre and ordinary marriage, everybody cannot escape by luck - -, because women also have a lot of faults and not perfect. This is very helpless, but this is life. Perhaps you would not regret if not get married at all, but lonelyness and solitude is more fearful  and terrible than regret.